Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Who do I think I am?

Well, I had a few reasons to withold my name. But as each day passes, I can't seem to continue to validate those reasons.

It seems that many people I have discussed this with always seem to prefer keeping their weight loss efforts a secret. I read on one of your blogs today of an author planning on a band install and is struggling to explain to their mother what their intent is.

Funny, isn't it? Not to preach here, but I believe that if you are a life-long Fat Bastard you have lost weight on more than one occasion. For myself, I have lost and gained more than 400 pounds in 20 years. I am quite certan that I began each diet by vowing not to tell anyone what I am up to. Why do I do this?

I know what the reason is. If you are (or were) a Fat Bastard, so do you.

You try and justify your vow of silence with a reason like "I'm doing this for me, no one else, so I'll keep it to myself because it is no one else's business.

But in this situation, honesty really sounds like this - "What will they say in a week from now when they see me finishing the fifth slice of an 8-slice large pie with double cheese and sausage? Better keep my mouth shut, just in case."

Then what do we do, after we fail at diet attempt number 104, we find consolation in eating by ourselves. Not just a meal. So much food and at such a fast pace that food doesn't have a taste.

Such is the life of a Fat Bastard.

My name is Jordan, I live in western Pennsylvania. I have a wonderful wife and three children 16, 13 and 11.

Thank you everyone, for reading and leaving comments. Some of your blogs I have not found yet, but please don't be offended, I'm working on it.


  1. Hi Jordan, I'm Theresa aka Tessie glad to meet you. This is a really nice post. I feel you on this one, I'm a fat bastard too! I tell my husband all the time that I have lost and gained him twice, he thinks I'm joking. This time will be different for us! Keep blogging and doing what you're doing. I feel good about the future and can't wait til we are on the banded side. It's great to have such a community of support isn't it?

  2. Hi Jordan, I'm Jennene, but most people call me Nene.. I really enjoyed this post, and will let you in on my thoughts.. I have shared this lapband journey with anyone who will listen.. As you will get to know by my blog, I and my parents run a convenience store.. And even before i was banded, I told everyone that I was getting one, and even now when I get chatting to people, if the subject gets near it, I will let them know that i have the lapband, and that it is the best thing I have ever done.. My reason for this??? I feel like if i let as many people as i can know about it, I am less likely to fail. If I fail, then I will be worried of what others think of me.. The way the mind works huh..
    I look forward to following your blog.. I have found that by blogging and following blogs, it has helped pick me up when I'm down, given me ideas, and vent when things are a little frustrating..

  3. Hi, Jordan, my name is Amy, and I live in Ohio.

    I understand your reasons for sharing, and I respect them. I feel a bit differently, though. I've always shouted from the roof tops every time I've attempted a new 'diet'. I always thought that having all these people know would help keep me on the right track. Turns out that tactic didn't work very well for me - I dieted my way up to 374 lbs with their 'support.' So, I'm trying it a new way this time - only telling the people that I really want support from! But to each their own...and I truly hope that your surgery is here sooner than later and can sing the praises of lap-band to anyone who'll listen!


  4. Hi Jordan. My name is Amanda and I live in AZ. We sound like quite a support group, don't we? This post is right on. I have always been self-conscious...not just about my weight but my clothes, my hair, etc. So I know my not wanting to tell people is all about not wanting to be judged. I just told my mom (not sure if my blog was the one you were referring to) and was surprised by the support I received. Will she turn out to be the food police? Maybe. But I guess we never know what type of reward we'll get without the risk, right?

  5. Hi Jordan! My name is Tracy and I live just outside Denver, CO. ;)

    I came to this very same realization a few days before my surgery. I actually told one person that I didn't want him to tell anyone else because I was afraid I would fail and I didn't want to be the talk of the office if that happened. He told me that if I actually let more people in on the secret maybe I'd be less likely to fail.

    I think he was right and so are you!

  6. hahahaha! YEAH! It is like a present-you giving us your name! I would have guess Eric, Mark, or Robert. Jordan was a nice suprise!

    Can I say I totally agree with what you just said about the real reason people keep it quiet. You said it much better than I could though!

  7. I totally agree - if you don't tell them, you won't feel like an ass latter when you are eating those questionable things in front of them. I also would swallow my disappointment in myself each time I failed. This usually was a huge binge of Chinese or Italian food.

    It is important to remember that this is not going to be like the other times you tried to lose weight. Don't get me wrong - it is hard - but this band really does help you!

    It is nice to meet you, Jordan!


  8. Hey Jordan, I'm Zara. I've also been known as AwesomeZara, a name I wrote under for a long time and partly where my weird screen name comes from (Google cut it off... it was Neglected Foster Child of Hollywood after a column I used to write, now it just looks like I have traumatic childhood problems, lol...)

    I know what you mean about keeping quiet. Because I used to announce diets and people would track my success and failures right alongside me, I stopped talking about any future diets after that. I swallowed my pride to write an essay to my newer friends who didn't know my history with weight, food, dieting, etc... in order to win my Lap-Band as a radio promotion.

    Now I am literally on the hook and have lost friends over how I choose to share my journey with them. But most importantly, since I'm the advertisement for the station, I get to walk around my community, seeing all the faces I talked to about being in the contest and have to learn to open up and tell them about my Band and my weight loss.

    This is a very new and scary, scary thing for me. I am not always handling it great, but as the days pass, I'll figure it out. We all will.

  9. Everybody, thank you so much for these great comments. If we are going to truly fix our weight issues, we are going to have to fix the psychological issues that contributed to our problems. Every nutritionist, doctor and Jenny Craig rep agrees that our bodies have a natural trigger to tell when we have consumed enough food in one meal. In my opinion, it is the mental issues that force us to ignore that trigger. Sometimes, I wonder if I ever experienced that trigger.

    Our relationships with people are part of those psychological ailments and I suppose we'll all have those bridges to cross, each in our own way.

    (picture me raising a bottle of water) Here's to being our own Sigmund Feud.

  10. Hey Jordan! I can't count the number of diets I have been on, the weight lost and gained, and the number of times that I didn't tell people I was dieting. Mainly due to the number of time I did tell people, then got the ever so helpful, "Do you really think you should have that (piece of cake, second helping, cookie, you name it)?" comment.
    So, I've decided with the Band, that I am going to be honest with people. If they ask, I will tell them. Anyone who has asked about my surgery, I have answered honestly. And my choices are my own, if someone doesn't like them, too bad for them.
    It's our lives, our bodies, our fat, and we can all get rid of it however we choose!

  11. Hi Jordan,

    I'm a little late to this party...fashionably, I hope? My name is Lynda and I live in Atlanta, GA. I'm currently working on my 3-month pre surgery regimen required by my insurance company. I hope to be banded in April.

    You've probably already noticed what a great group of people we have here. I look forward to sharing this journey with you.

  12. Hi Jordan,

    I'm also a little late(er) to this party - but this post, to me, is begging for people to pipe up whenever. So with that...

    My name is Lori and I live in Texas. (It might appear from using LDswims that I'm "hiding" a bit...but that is my license plate on one of my vehicles, all of my email addresses, and is something that would easily be associated with me. The name comes from my first two initials and my most favorite pass time - swimming.) Anyone that knows me knows the use of ldswims.

    I wish I'd been following your blog from the get-go but I'm soo happy to have found it at this point. I really appreciate your perspective. And it sounds like we may end up banded around the same time...although I don't know...gotta finish reading your blog. :)

    I am selective about who I tell. And it's not because of support or hiding reality, but in fact, I don't want to hear people tell me I'll fail. And I have heard that, even with some that I've told. If people find out, great, I'm not hiding it. But I don't want or need the judgements. It's like those quitting smoking. Sometimes the attention is a distraction that just makes it worse. I'm focused on me and that's that.

  13. Hi Jordan. I'm 6 days away from being banded and have enjoyed reading your blog.

    I live in Western PA too, and my name is Nicole. I'm nervous about the surgery process, but excited to have a chance to live life as it is meant to be lived. I feel like I've been hiding for way too long.

    Good luck. I'm going to keep reading your blog because you seem to write the same things I'm feeling. It must be universal for all of us fat bastards! I'm sure you'll continue to inspire me!