Topic: Addictive personality; real concern or simple excuse?
Here is the background story. As I mentioned before, this past weekend was a work event I have been planning for the past few months. Things were hectic, though it all ended well. In the morning, we served doughnuts to a staff of volunteers and there they were. Chocolate or glazed covered discs of fried dough. I probably could have eaten one, even two, without much harm, but it was nerves that drove the desire at all. The event was getting to the point where it was going to start running itself and I was crazy. I stepped out of the area and found a co-worker smoking a cigarette. Now, I chewed snuff for years and quit about seven months ago for the surgery, but cigarettes I could pick up and put down easily. So, I enjoyed a smoke with my colleague and found that it calmed me, allowed me to think a bit more clearly.
The following Sunday, my brother-in-law and my sons are in the car together. Somehow the discussion of alcohol began between my brother-in-law and I. I am not much of a drinker now, but don't ask me to recall too many Friday or Saturday nights from my college years. My 13-year-old kidded, "I enjoy a cold beer every once-in-a-while too."
This child and I, probably more so than my other two kids, have more in common when it comes to personality traits. Very instinctive, very impatient and very need-it-now. Knowing that he has probably already been in social situations where he was offered alcohol, I tell him he should wait even longer past 21 to try alcohol because he and I have the same "addictive personality."
Mind you, the same personality that would have driven me to eat four or five doughnuts the morning before.
Sure, it's a real concern. But it is it too simple to classify every over-indulgent act an example of an addictive personality? And remember, there is not a single court room that allows for the "addictive personality plea" in cases involving drugs, alcohol or even gambling. Though, addiction treatment is often part of the sentencing process.
Whatever the case may be, I wish they made a pill for it.
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Monday, April 5, 2010
Never fear, Fat Bastard is STILL here.
Two weeks since my last post, sorry for my absence friends.
But I have not been without epiphanies or reality checks. The first one directly involves my two week hiatus in posts.
It is funny how old habits don't die very easy. I have seen a glimpse of the horrible habits that have gotten me into this mess. Since the stamp of approval from my insurance company, the 40 inches of snow that has plagued the Northeast has melted to show the list of Spring chores around the house. My daughter is playing on two club soccer teams and her high school track team. An ambitious work project has eased its way outside of the typical 40-hour work week. And, the brake line in my Griswold-like mini-van has collapsed and will be in the shop until Wednesday, when I am scheduled to have jury duty. Oops, don't forget Easter shopping and cooking.
And what does all that mean? When was the last time this fat bastard has seen a treadmill? Food intake has been more than it should be. Don't get me wrong, I haven't fallen completely off the wagon, but the horse pulling the wagon has begun to slow.
Habits don't change easily, do they? The funny part is, I believe that if I checked, I would find a direct correlation between how much I post on this blog and how often I work out. Thanks for being there.
At any rate, my gym bag is in the car. Time to whip that pony back on course.
I hope everyone had a nice holiday.
But I have not been without epiphanies or reality checks. The first one directly involves my two week hiatus in posts.
It is funny how old habits don't die very easy. I have seen a glimpse of the horrible habits that have gotten me into this mess. Since the stamp of approval from my insurance company, the 40 inches of snow that has plagued the Northeast has melted to show the list of Spring chores around the house. My daughter is playing on two club soccer teams and her high school track team. An ambitious work project has eased its way outside of the typical 40-hour work week. And, the brake line in my Griswold-like mini-van has collapsed and will be in the shop until Wednesday, when I am scheduled to have jury duty. Oops, don't forget Easter shopping and cooking.
And what does all that mean? When was the last time this fat bastard has seen a treadmill? Food intake has been more than it should be. Don't get me wrong, I haven't fallen completely off the wagon, but the horse pulling the wagon has begun to slow.
Habits don't change easily, do they? The funny part is, I believe that if I checked, I would find a direct correlation between how much I post on this blog and how often I work out. Thanks for being there.
At any rate, my gym bag is in the car. Time to whip that pony back on course.
I hope everyone had a nice holiday.
Monday, March 22, 2010
Everyone, May 5 it is!
Funny, isn't it?
Not a half hour from clicking publish, my cell phone rings with a Pittsburgh area code. My mind began developing a flattering and unique way to begin developing four-letter words.
But, this Wednesday was never in the cards. You can unclog your ears Dash, the profanity is for another day. My surgeon's schedule was very flexible because he is new to this office and there is not yet a flurry of people that have gone a full six months of pre-op diet, nutrition ed, etc. Turns out, that just means less access to the OR for him. He only has every other Wednesday.
Work commitments on my end made May 5 the first available. So, fine, it will be a spring band. Sure, I would have loved it to happen now. But I am more excited to have the date, etched in my Blackberry.
So, six weeks, I can do anything for six weeks. So I get to spend more time consider the psychological aspects of all this and continuing read more blogs.
Not a half hour from clicking publish, my cell phone rings with a Pittsburgh area code. My mind began developing a flattering and unique way to begin developing four-letter words.
But, this Wednesday was never in the cards. You can unclog your ears Dash, the profanity is for another day. My surgeon's schedule was very flexible because he is new to this office and there is not yet a flurry of people that have gone a full six months of pre-op diet, nutrition ed, etc. Turns out, that just means less access to the OR for him. He only has every other Wednesday.
Work commitments on my end made May 5 the first available. So, fine, it will be a spring band. Sure, I would have loved it to happen now. But I am more excited to have the date, etched in my Blackberry.
So, six weeks, I can do anything for six weeks. So I get to spend more time consider the psychological aspects of all this and continuing read more blogs.
"Food . . it's a tough give up."
- Rodney Dangerfield, Easy Money, 1983
With my cut off day approaching too soon, and my insurance company not yet offering the proverbial "thumbs up," I have returned to solid foods. Wed, March 24 was the last possible date for surgery, if it was going to occur prior to a major event I am planning for work on April 10. If the surgery occurred after this Wednesday, I risk not being 100% on the day of the event and the days leading up to it. I was a little bummed at first, but I must remember to think with grand vision and not be so fixated on the right now. It is more important that I have the surgery all together, not that it occur prior to this event or that. I had some big plans this spring and summer, such as tearing up local bike paths with my son and running a 5K or two. Not that they still can't happen, but it would have been more fun had the surgery occurred yesterday, so to have enjoyed those things after the first few weeks of sudden weight loss. It would have been nice if it would have gone that way, but BIG PICTURE my impatient, needy, childish alter-ego, BIG PICTURE.
Will the irony be, now that I have been on solids since Saturday (I figured if I was going into surgery on Wednesday, I would have known by Saturday) that they will call today and say "We are pleased to tell you that your insurance paperwork has been approved and we understand that you have been on all liquids since the last week of February, is Wednesday good for you?" I believe DASH is in Australia, right? She'll be able to hear the profanity down there.
Keeping the faith.
With my cut off day approaching too soon, and my insurance company not yet offering the proverbial "thumbs up," I have returned to solid foods. Wed, March 24 was the last possible date for surgery, if it was going to occur prior to a major event I am planning for work on April 10. If the surgery occurred after this Wednesday, I risk not being 100% on the day of the event and the days leading up to it. I was a little bummed at first, but I must remember to think with grand vision and not be so fixated on the right now. It is more important that I have the surgery all together, not that it occur prior to this event or that. I had some big plans this spring and summer, such as tearing up local bike paths with my son and running a 5K or two. Not that they still can't happen, but it would have been more fun had the surgery occurred yesterday, so to have enjoyed those things after the first few weeks of sudden weight loss. It would have been nice if it would have gone that way, but BIG PICTURE my impatient, needy, childish alter-ego, BIG PICTURE.
Will the irony be, now that I have been on solids since Saturday (I figured if I was going into surgery on Wednesday, I would have known by Saturday) that they will call today and say "We are pleased to tell you that your insurance paperwork has been approved and we understand that you have been on all liquids since the last week of February, is Wednesday good for you?" I believe DASH is in Australia, right? She'll be able to hear the profanity down there.
Keeping the faith.
Sunday, March 14, 2010
Special thank you to Manda Panda for nominating me for a Sunshine Blogger Award. I do really struggle to name 12 of my favorite blogs, just like the Beautiful Blogger Award a few weeks ago.
Instead, I'll encourage you to check out her blog. She is on a bit of rough spot as of last week. Send her good vibes.
No date yet
I was hoping otherwise, but no date yet.
Not all bad news though, I confirmed that the paperwork was sent and is going through the channels. In my dealings with the good people at UPMC, I am confident that they would not have submitted an incomplete packet. So as the phrase goes - any day now.
Regarding the all liquid diet, today day 17. If I had known it was going to be this long, I would have started a few days later. But I suppose it was a gamble anyway.
Funny how our minds can be our strongest ally or worst enemy. For the past 2.5 weeks, I have been a rock of discipline. Didn't feel an ounce of temptation. But for the past two days, on one hand I have been struggling to get all my shakes in - just not hungry at all. On the other hand, head hunger is kicking my ass.
Maybe it's because before my last surgery date, when it was postponed, the surgeon said "At this point, your liver has shrunk and if you ate a low fat diet for a week, we would be okay." Maybe it's because I have read on a few blogs of people that cheated and their surgeon never knew. Maybe it is because I just made a lasagna for my family (I fancy myself a bit of an amateur culinary specialist and lasagna is one of my solids), but foods are speaking out to me. More like blaring at me.
The positive side is that I weighed in a 296.5 this morning. I started this journey at 361. My wife quipped this morning that I could stay on all liquids for a month longer and not need the surgery. Yeah right, c'mon, I'm a Fat Bastard. I'd be 380 two months later.
Have a good week everyone.
Not all bad news though, I confirmed that the paperwork was sent and is going through the channels. In my dealings with the good people at UPMC, I am confident that they would not have submitted an incomplete packet. So as the phrase goes - any day now.
Regarding the all liquid diet, today day 17. If I had known it was going to be this long, I would have started a few days later. But I suppose it was a gamble anyway.
Funny how our minds can be our strongest ally or worst enemy. For the past 2.5 weeks, I have been a rock of discipline. Didn't feel an ounce of temptation. But for the past two days, on one hand I have been struggling to get all my shakes in - just not hungry at all. On the other hand, head hunger is kicking my ass.
Maybe it's because before my last surgery date, when it was postponed, the surgeon said "At this point, your liver has shrunk and if you ate a low fat diet for a week, we would be okay." Maybe it's because I have read on a few blogs of people that cheated and their surgeon never knew. Maybe it is because I just made a lasagna for my family (I fancy myself a bit of an amateur culinary specialist and lasagna is one of my solids), but foods are speaking out to me. More like blaring at me.
The positive side is that I weighed in a 296.5 this morning. I started this journey at 361. My wife quipped this morning that I could stay on all liquids for a month longer and not need the surgery. Yeah right, c'mon, I'm a Fat Bastard. I'd be 380 two months later.
Have a good week everyone.
Sunday, March 7, 2010
Strange Obsession
Today makes Day 12 on the all-liquid pre-op diet.
You would think being around food at this point would be difficult, but really at this point I'm numb. I've sat in a restaurant twice and prepped dinner for the family a few times. All obligations, but, you wouldn't think I'm going to voluntarily put myself in front of temptation.
But . . . what about one of my favorite shows? Man v. Food? An avid foodie touring the country showcasing a destination's best foods and ending each episode with a restaurant challenge, such as a 10 lb stuffed pizza in an hour, 5 hoagies in 45 minutes or 6 of the hottest wings on the east coast. It's on the Travel Channel - give it a watch.
I appreciate the host's genuine excitement for food and some of the unique foods and restaurants. And oddly, I can sit through six-episodes and feel not an ounce of temptation. Not in comparison to last night, when my family met two other families for dinner. I was fine until my favorite at that restaurant was passed under my nose, shrimp and garlic pizza. That hurt.
To update, I called the surgeon's office Friday. They are hoping to have authorization from my insurance company this week. I have not been fantastic about a blogging midweek, but trust me, when a date is set, you will all know it. For those of you new to my blog. I have put myself on all liquids because my surgeon just transferred to this hospital and supposedly has an open schedule. My hopes are that when the scheduler says "we can pick a date two weeks from now if you'll start all liquids today" and I'll say "Guess what I've been up to." Hope it pays off.
Someone asked me about my preference for protein supplements. My favorite is actually Myoplex Lite, the individual packets of powder make it easy. But it mixes with skim milk making the whole shake about 280 calories. My surgeon's office says no more than 800 calories a day. Muscle Milk Light on the other hand mixes with water allowing four shakes all just under 800 calories.
Have a good week all.
You would think being around food at this point would be difficult, but really at this point I'm numb. I've sat in a restaurant twice and prepped dinner for the family a few times. All obligations, but, you wouldn't think I'm going to voluntarily put myself in front of temptation.
But . . . what about one of my favorite shows? Man v. Food? An avid foodie touring the country showcasing a destination's best foods and ending each episode with a restaurant challenge, such as a 10 lb stuffed pizza in an hour, 5 hoagies in 45 minutes or 6 of the hottest wings on the east coast. It's on the Travel Channel - give it a watch.
I appreciate the host's genuine excitement for food and some of the unique foods and restaurants. And oddly, I can sit through six-episodes and feel not an ounce of temptation. Not in comparison to last night, when my family met two other families for dinner. I was fine until my favorite at that restaurant was passed under my nose, shrimp and garlic pizza. That hurt.
To update, I called the surgeon's office Friday. They are hoping to have authorization from my insurance company this week. I have not been fantastic about a blogging midweek, but trust me, when a date is set, you will all know it. For those of you new to my blog. I have put myself on all liquids because my surgeon just transferred to this hospital and supposedly has an open schedule. My hopes are that when the scheduler says "we can pick a date two weeks from now if you'll start all liquids today" and I'll say "Guess what I've been up to." Hope it pays off.
Someone asked me about my preference for protein supplements. My favorite is actually Myoplex Lite, the individual packets of powder make it easy. But it mixes with skim milk making the whole shake about 280 calories. My surgeon's office says no more than 800 calories a day. Muscle Milk Light on the other hand mixes with water allowing four shakes all just under 800 calories.
Have a good week all.
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